Last week, a friend wrote and told me everything she’d accomplished that day and then asked me what I had done. Without giving her any details, I simply wrote back and said I sent in an application-wishing I could have been more productive that day, At that point, I heard the Lord say, “You are minimizing your own efforts again.” Indeed I was!
Sending the application felt like climbing a steep mountain and never reaching the top. I had several problems throughout the day that tested my endurance and commitment to finish the task. Since my handwriting is illegible, and typing is slow because of my cerebral palsy, I was thankful when my daughter agreed to help me fill it out on the computer. When we discovered that wasn’t possible, she filled it out by hand, scanned it and sent it on its way.
The next day I got an email saying they couldn’t read it and wanted me to send it in a format I’d never used before. I felt stupid because couldn’t figure it out. Rather than give up or continue to spin my wheels trying to learn something new, I decided to retype it so I could send it as an attachment. So I found the fax number and decided to send the original document that way. Thinking my job was done, I breathed a sigh of relief.
All too soon, I found out that only one of the four pages had been received. Rachael tried to send the application from her computer, but that didn’t work either. I wound up retyping it, cutting, pasting and resending it again.
When the first problems arose, my inner voice whispered, “You should just quit.” The longer I continued to I worked on this project, the louder the voice clamored, “They aren’t going to pick you to be on the committee. You should just give up. You are getting way behind on your other projects.” Yet, I was determined to finish not only because I believed in the importance of what I was doing and because giving up has always left a sore taste in my mouth.
When I decided to take a break, the racket inside my head died down. I felt reassured and comforted. He wanted to partner with me in my struggle. As I surrendered my plans and efforts to Him, I felt strengthened by our partnership. His faithfulness motivates me to keep climbing mountains with Him.