Proverbs 3:5-6 Don’t rely on our own understanding rather draw near to God and He will direct our path.
There are times when we ask God for direction and see His plans pretty quickly, other times it seems like it takes forever. 2015 was one of those kinds of years.
On a stormy January morning my daughter helped me board a flight to go see my family. The grey clouds of the day before were there to meet us and snowflakes began to fall. I was surprised to see blue skies after plane climbed to a higher altitude. But after a while we were enveloped in grey again. In a way I felt like that during the past year I struggled with a lot of indecision that made think the greyness surrounding the plane.
As a woman with cerebral palsy, I was able to raise my daughter Racheal, with the help of my caregiver. A couple years later a friend of mine needed a place to live so she became my live in caregiver. In many ways she made my life easier so about a year later when she told me she was going to move and I needed to make plans.
For no reason in particular I felt stuck. I couldn’t figure out what to do. Many of my friends thought I should find another caregiver because they were concerned about my safety and in many ways it was easier to have someone there. I didn’t realize that I was at a stale-mate with myself. I know at some point I’ll probably need more help than I need now but friends were telling me I needed it NOW. I really didn’t think I was that point yet but I didn’t want to be irresponsible. I had a friend who was praying about moving in and as I waited to see what she was going to do, I carefully moved ahead. I asked another caregiver to spend the night a few nights a week to see how she would work out. I decided not to continue having her stay because that didn’t seem very helpful.
At the same time Colleen, who has been my caregiver for many years, wanted to work fewer hours. After I hired a second woman, life started to stabilize. I felt the cloud of indecision lift, and I knew what to do. I decided to continue living alone.
When I need more help I’m sure the Lord will give me direction. I value feedback from others and I do ponder it, but it’s critical that I listen to what God is telling me through my heart. His way is always the best way for me!